Saturday, November 7, 2009

The journey that never ends

We found out the results from the MRI on Thursday, and they were not good. I needed a couple days to process it, and to get myself together before posting about it on here. I'm just going to make this short and sweet, because I just don't feel like talking about it to be quite honest. But, I know that everyone is wanting an update, so I will just give the basics.

The scar tissue that we knew was in the joint space is pretty thick, and is pushing on the hip causing it to move up and to the left. Dr. Brock wants to schedule an arthroscopic surgery to clean out the joint, and then he wants to put Dane back in a cast for another 4 1/2 months.

We have an appointment scheduled Tuesday, November 17th with another orthopedic surgeon who specializes in children to get a 2nd opinion and see if there are any other options. We are not making any decisions until we talk to someone else.

On the outside/ the exterior I am fine. I am able to pull myself together, force smiles, force conversations, force laughter, pretend that although I am upset I am fine.

On the inside I am deeply saddened for my little man, I just want to be left alone, feel depression setting in, angry, have feelings of guilt along with feeling hopeless about Dane's situation...on the inside things are not fine.

So, the end of this journey is not near...not even close


Noah's Mommy said...

Jayne- I am so sorry to hear this. When I was facing surgery with Noah I was devastated- and he didn't even have to go through with it. I can only pretend to imagine what you are feeling. I would feel the same way, but you shouldn't feel guilty. This is not your fault. Remember, that God had a plan for everyone and He chose yuo to be Dane's mother because He knew you could handle the task! We are still praying for your family everyday!

Kody and Corby Brooks said...

I am so sorry to hear this. I will definitely be praying for you, Kevin and especially Dane as you continue this unwanted journey.

Becky said...

Jayne--Christy told me the news last night. Sorry to hear Dane will have to go through another surgery. Hang in there! You're stronger than you think, and so is Dane.

Jennifer said...

Aaaaaaah! AH! I'm so frustrated for you guys and little Dane. When will he get a break! I could tell you a lot of fluff, truth yes, but I'll save it and say, this absolutely sucks like a dead chicken on a Tuesday. Why a chicken and why Tuesday? Does it matter? Okay, they are just random. Let's just live in the "this is absolutely wrong" moment right now. We'll do the fluff later. =) Man I'm frustrated for you guys.

Anonymous said...

I am a friend of Patsy's and I wanted to tell you I am praying for your little boy. He is absolutely adorable. I, also, am one of those parents that have lost a child and it was to cancer. I can understand that those comments are upsetting to you. The truth of the matter is, although you have not traveled my journey, this is your worst journey; and as a mother, watching your child go through so much is so difficult for us parents who feel so helpless. I can tell you that I gained all my strength to face each day by literally putting my life and the life of my son in God's trusting arms and trying not to spend too much time on the "pity parties" you talk about. At the same time, sometimes you just want to have one. And you are entitled. Anyway, please know that you are not alone; and I am so sorry that not only you, but more importantly, your precious baby boy, is facing such a journey. I pray God's blessings and peace and complete healing on Dane, and I especially pray for your strength to endure what seems so unfair to us parents.

Proverbs 3:5 -- Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Lean not on your own understanding.

God bless,
Cristy Burnett

Janet Rawls-Cazares said...

Jayne, I do not know you but my dad sent this to me b/c I think they know you from church or something. However I got your name, I know that it was God-ordained.
I want you to know that this morning I read something on Joel Osteen that I had "thought" in my own mind just a few weeks ago. It was confirmation for me and I hope it will encourage you as well. The jist of it was this: DON'T GIVE UP! STAY IN FAITH! You don't could be next week, next month or next year but your breakthrough is around the corner. Just b/c you don't see the end doesn't mean it's not near. God is a God of the impossible situation. DO NOT allow satan to steal your joy OR your hope OR your expectation. God is for you and he is for your little boy! BE OF A STRONG HEART JAYNE and know that our GOd, the God of all creation, is working behind the scenes on your behalf, even though you cna't see it. Rejoice NOW; give Him the praise for the good report NOW! For most people seeing is believing: in OUR journey, we believe first and THEN we see the victory!